im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
