Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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