what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
