mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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