Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
