We named our party play list daddy issues
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
