WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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