remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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