i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm passing your future prison.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
