She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
