Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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