My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You're a waste of cheezeits
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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