Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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