I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
