ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
