VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
