her vagine was all disorganized.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
