you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
