Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
