I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
