I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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