I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
