Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
