You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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