u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
