I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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