He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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