I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
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Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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