When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
