I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
