Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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