dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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