Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
