Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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