I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
