how can u be prego again
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
