it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
