Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
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who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!