i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.