Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
