i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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