Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.