Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
True college students do jello shots in the library
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