I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
