What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
