dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When did angry sex become our thing?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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