just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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