Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
