it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
