You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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