Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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