Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
