I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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