i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
