if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
