So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
