Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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