You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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