I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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