she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
