Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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