im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
