Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
