There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
