he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
