i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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