I wish I only lived at night.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
