I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize