I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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