I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize