Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
