Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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