Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
