the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
