So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
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On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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